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#FrogandToad

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Hoping to waste less time and emotional energy on social media, I've removed the social apps from my phone.

Last time I tried that, I just wound up logging into the web versions.

It reminds me so much of one of my favorite Frog and Toad stories, in which they try to stop eating so many cookies by putting them on a high shelf. 🙂

Continued thread

What bothers me about Frog and Toad is that the birds are clearly allistic (not autistic), and the lessons that Frog and Toad learn are often about how to meet allistic expectations

After the birds learn what Frog and Toad are doing with the cookies, they say (repeatedly) things like "I love cookies"

Do they ask for the cookies? No. Do they explain how they can help Frog and Toad with the cookies? Not in a direct way, only through implications.

Eventually, Frog says, "I know what we can do!" — and finally realizes that they can give the cookies to the birds

This is the double empathy problem for autistic people: realizing how allistic people communicate about their needs and offers, and conforming to that.

It's not even clear about how to interpret allistic signals and navigating allistic communication/interpretations. It's just showing that autistic people have to figure it out ourselves.

This is wrong. The solution to the double empathy problem is not to learn how allistic people communicate or how to interpret allistic communication, but for both autistic and allistic people to learn how each other communicate and to meet in the middle.

I watched the first episode of Frog and Toad (on Apple). It struck me immediately how autistic they are.

They make cookies, and they struggle with "willpower" to not eat so many that it upsets their stomachs, so they look for what to do with the cookies because they lack the willpower not to eat them.

"We can put them in a box so that we won't see them"
"But… we can open the box, and then we see them and will want to eat them"
"That's true"
"I know! We can tie the box closed with a string and then we can't open the box!"
"But… we can untie the string and then we can open the box and eat the cookies"
"That's true"
etc

Continued thread

I like good smells, loud music, interesting podcasts about the supernatural, paranormal, and true crime when they're done tastefully.

I miss the stereo system that I had when I was fifteen, that I bought with my own money. Dual cassette deck, a whole set of speakers, and a volume level that would blow out your eardrums if you weren't careful. (I was almost not careful enough)

I love #FrogAndToad, #UrsulaKLeGuin, my various well-worn copies of #LordOfTheRings, burning incense and candles that smell like ginger, citrus, vanilla, black tea.

I used to be the only parent to four kids, and now I am part of a blended family group (we refer to ourselves as an intentional community most of the time). I don't have to parent alone, I don't have to make money decisions alone, and I won't grow old alone. As a sweet bonus, my co-parents had a wee child four years ago and he is one of my most favorite people.

If I'm stranded at the airport, I'll have my antihistamines, nose spray, chapstick, and water bottle.