Talking about a dream where I met some nightmare creatures but they were DTF.

In one of the dreams I had this morning, I was visiting the opulent suite of a missing eccentric wealthy dude. I didn't know he was actually missing at first. I thought he was just on some extended sabbatical. His suite was open to his friends while he was out and I was friends with some of his friends. I think we'd been using one of his solid, massive tables for an overnight TTRPG session because it was morning and we were packing up backpacks and other types of bags, loading up binders and notebooks and related paraphernalia. No dice that I remember so I'm not sure what we'd been doing. It's not important.
There was a little TV near us and it was showing what looked like a documentary about the eccentric dude living in a wetland, trying to be one with the animals there.
His arms and legs were too long and he had these long oval/diamond shaped wounds where his elbows and knees were. He could also bend his arms and legs in any direction and seemed to have extra joints.
My friends told me that the eccentric dude routinely broke his own bones and reshaped his limbs so he could train his muscles to move them in new directions. He wanted to belong in the wetland, standing like an egret or something in the water. They told me that if the bones healed in a way he didn't like, he would just break them again.
I was like, "that's interesting". I wondered how he dealt with the pain.
My friends said we could go look at it. I wasn't sure what they meant but I followed them.
We went out into a hallway and down to a different room.
When the opened the doorway, I saw that the wetland was indoors. There was a narrow path along the right wall and that's where they led me.
In the back right corner were a series of observation couches. They went up to them and laid down.
I was down in the wetlands area, on some of the dry ground to get a better look.
I haven't mentioned the creatures. There were five creatures living in the wetlands that weren't evident in the video.
They were things of nightmare, but they were not hostile. They had been semi-domesticated.
I only remember what two of them looked like.
One was translucent, quadrupedal, sleep paralysis shadow demon with red eyes and a shifting number of legs. It was made of straight lines with no curves.
The other was a giant beetle that looked like the Gregor Samsa as Beetle from the R. Crumb illustrated version of Kafka's Metamorphosis, but two to three times the size. It had a dark blue carapace and a white underbelly.
There was another one, the only thing I remember was its color: a sickly yellow, like the yellow wallpaper. It reminded me of a flying cockroach that scared the crap out of me when I was a kid sitting on the toilet in the bathroom.
Anyway, to my amazement, after my friends laid down on the couches in the corner, three of the creatures went up there and started making out with them.
They were DTF (apparently).
As I was standing there in shock, the yellow creature came up and talked to me.
It told me that the eccentric dude was the only person who ever treated them with respect and not fear. The eccentric dude spent lots of time with them trying to learn from them and discover how to emulate their essence. He felt a kinship with them. The yellow creature was upset that the eccentric dude had run off and it blamed other humans for causing him to abandon them for other pursuits.
The yellow creature got so mad about it that he started attacking me and the other humans.
He wasn't trying to hurt us, just force us to GTFO.
The DTF creatures were passive, just letting it happen.
The fifth creature joined in with the yellow creature and started taunting us, too.
As we were at the door, I reminded the DTF creatures that, without humans being allowed to come into the room, they'd never get to bone one again.
That caused the giant beetle to fight back but it wasn't enough to keep us from being pushed out.
Anyway, it was kind of funny to see terrifying creatures ripped from night terrors and phobias turned into sex fiends.
Also, I realized that the eccentric dude seemed to be like Narcisse from Nightbreed: someone willing to mutilate themselves to be worthy of joining the monsters.

I’ve been on Mastodon for 6 months, just changed servers, and — given the prevalent “this is it” feeling of other Twitter castaways this week — it feels a good time to re-re-introduce myself.

I am a survivor of clergy sexual abuse from Greater Boston — I was one of them kids. My writing sprouts rhizomatically from there and then through autofiction based on 16 years of dream-journaling, episodic dissociation, recalls of abuse, alcohol addiction and recovery, a sensitivity to ephemera and eternal return.

Following a stroke 12 years ago I became a certified personal trainer. Further into recovery I co-hosted wellness seminars for fellow survivors of sexual abuse. Ambulatorily-disabled upon being hit by a 65+mph car 5+ years ago, I now walk with the assistance of a shillelagh. I continue to train in San Miguel Eskrima.

I’m on social media primarily out of concern over COVID and fascism. A recluse, offline I keep to myself. But I’ve also never met a stranger.

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Interests & Concerns: #Beckett #Camus #MaggieNelson #PattiSmith #Deleuze #DeleuzeAndGuattari #SituationistInternational #Semiotics #Semiotexte #JudithButler #cptsd #nonbinary #demisexual
#ClergySexualAbuseSurvivor #ClusterHeadaches #Stroke
#zazen #QiGong #Eskrima #dissociation #NearDeathExperiences #OutOfBodyExperiences #SleepParalysis
#Kanashibari #DreamJournaling #autofiction #anarchism #antifascism #AntiCapitalism #ACAB #JapaneseCinema #Oshima #JeanLucGodard #Osaka #Berlin #BuenosAires #StillMasking #AmbulatoryDisability #kettlebell #BodyweightCalisthenics
#chess
#MonoNoAware #WabiSabi

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“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” — Samuel Beckett

"Life, willing to surpass itself, is the good life, and the good life is the courageous life." — Paul Tillich

"All suffering is formative of the identity that endures it." — Catherine Malabou

"To make trouble was, within the reigning discourse of my childhood, something one should never do precisely because that would get one in trouble. The rebellion and its reprimand seemed to be caught up in the same terms, a phenomenon that gave my first critical insight into the subtle ruse of power: the prevailing law threatened one with trouble, even put one in trouble, all to keep one out of trouble. I concluded that trouble is inevitable and the task how best to make it, what best way to be in it." —Judith Butler

"‘Everything develops, and I myself develop as well; and why this is so will one day be apparent,’ was the formula I was obliged to adopt." — Tolstoy

"I feel that it is necessary and ordained that I should be alone, a stranger and an exile in relation to every human circle without exception." — Simone Weil

"At that stage in a piece of writing where people used to look for explanations, I would like them from now on to find a settling of scores." — Raoul Vaneigem

"The only two things that motivate me and that matter to me are revenge and guilt." —Elvis Costello.

"There is a battle going on, more or less conscious, between Duty and Desire. The part of me which belongs to the world wishes to do its duty : the part of me which belongs to God wishes simply to fulfill what is required and which is un-stateable." — Henry Miller

“I do not believe in God and I am not an atheist.” — Albert Camus